I'm not sure what to say here. Nearly thirteen years - 4,748 days - is a long time to be in a relationship with someone and then to have it come to an end. (Four thousand, seven hundred and forty-eight days).
Things started hot and heavy. It was a Thursday, and I agreed to come down to his place (and got lost along the way; this was before smartphones and google maps and turn-by-turn directions), even though you're always supposed to meet in public first, in case he's an axe murderer. We had tried to meet twice before, taking turns standing the other up, but this time it worked (although he was late because he was at a friend's place doing laundry). He cooked dinner and we watched a movie - Deep Blue Sea, if I remember correctly. After that, we took a bath together (he's always been good at seduction). I remember considering that it was a possibility I would awaken sans kidneys, but I decided it was a risk I was willing to take. Fortunately for a young Geoff who had only recently lost his virginity, everything turned out fine, and I believe I spent the night.
I spent a lot of time at his place that winter. When I had my seizure at 21, he came to the hospital to see me, and, as I told him at the time, it felt right to have him there with my family. For a time after that, I wasn't allowed to drive, so I would bus down on weekends, or get rides from my mom, spending almost the entire summer there instead of my apartment in Boulder.
At the time, he was studying CIS at DeVry. I convinced him to switch to CU Boulder. I don't know whether he considers that a mistake or not, but he was never able to get into the Engineering department (notoriously difficult to transfer to), and eventually returned to DeVry to finish his degree. In the meantime, we moved to my apartment in Boulder while we were both attending school there. I convinced him to join our fraternity, and he even served as chapter president for a year or two.
About a year after I graduated, it became apparent that I would be unable to make it doing freelance work, and we moved into his condo, which was a great move because it significantly cut our expenses. While he was working for the USGS, we got a cat, Rory, who has always been a joy in my life (when he wasn't being a brat, of course). We got addicted to WoW, and recovered. He started a monthly board game group that has been going for far longer than I expected it to, now. We had a roommate, Tom. We dated Pat, and shared our grief when that ended.
We created those tiny monsters, pentapedes, and sent them on adventures. We got another cat, Ada, and the cats eventually learned to tolerate one another.
I bought us a house, and we lived there together. He built me a garden. But we slowly were drifting apart. He adopted relationship anarchy as his model, which I disagreed with. He brought a continuing stream of new men through our lives; I was not prepared for this. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with what he was doing, with the person he had become. I cried, and grieved, and hoped that we could return to what we had before. But it was not to be. Finally, I tried to end it, and he made a promise he later claimed not even to remember. And so, I brought that chapter of our lives to a close, one day shy of our thirteenth anniversary.
He's moved out, now, and taken Rory with him. It is now me and my cat. And even though I'm still defining who I am now, I'm okay. I'm making it.
I know you won't ever read this, Steve, but, outside of my family, you are probably the most significant relationship of my life. I wish it could have been different.
4,748 days will be a hard record to beat. Perhaps it will never be broken. 38% of my life at the time.
Goodbye.
Saturday, December 16, 2017
Monday, June 19, 2017
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Geoff-Stephen, July 4, 2015 to March 4, 2017
I've waited to write this, for several reasons. Partially because this is a public record, and I don't want to cause harm. Also because I wasn't ready to figure out what to say. I think, if I'm being honest, it was mostly because I didn't want it to be true; because I'm still in denial. Perhaps writing this will help me bring it to a close.
It was the fourth of July, and I'd had a few ciders to drink. Stephen, Steve and I were hanging out, and with my inhibitions lowered, I went in for the cuddle. It surprised Stephen, I think, but not unpleasantly.
In the next days, he was unsure. He said he didn't want a serious relationship, but was willing to see where it went. So that's what we did, hanging out increasingly often.
At the end of April in 2016, we went on a trip together to Ojo Caliente hot springs in New Mexico. Thankfully he drove; although the drive down was clear and dry, snow rolled in as we were leaving for home, but he handled the drive well and we made it back safely.
However, the situation with the relationship was, at times, difficult to discern. Although I tried to be easy to discuss things with, there were times when things bubbled up that had clearly been festering for a while. I should have done a better job addressing these and providing verbal support, but I did not.
Saturday the fourth of March, the 610th day, it became clear that he was going to end it. He had become more distant over the previous couple weeks, and as we made plans for dinner a sense of foreboding grew.
He told me that he didn't want to see me anymore, that he wanted to be friends but that it would take him some time to come to that place. I don't recall him saying why, but I think the greatest factor was that he had developed feelings that he had said at the outset he didn't want. There were probably other causes as well, but I know that I fell for him harder than I had expected to. And the past few months have shown me that I fell even harder than I had thought. I haven't heard from him at all in that time, which may be what he needs but it continues to hurt me.
I've asked myself if I should never have gone in for the cuddle in the first place, if I should have let us continue as friends. I've decided that I do not regret that choice. There are things I would try to do differently if I had it to do again, but some things aren't evident while they're happening. Together we had some wonderful times, and despite the pain I feel now, I think it was worth it. I hope that someday we will, in fact, be able to be friends again, because I do miss him.
In the meantime, thank you, Stephen, for the time we had together.
It was the fourth of July, and I'd had a few ciders to drink. Stephen, Steve and I were hanging out, and with my inhibitions lowered, I went in for the cuddle. It surprised Stephen, I think, but not unpleasantly.
In the next days, he was unsure. He said he didn't want a serious relationship, but was willing to see where it went. So that's what we did, hanging out increasingly often.
At the end of April in 2016, we went on a trip together to Ojo Caliente hot springs in New Mexico. Thankfully he drove; although the drive down was clear and dry, snow rolled in as we were leaving for home, but he handled the drive well and we made it back safely.
However, the situation with the relationship was, at times, difficult to discern. Although I tried to be easy to discuss things with, there were times when things bubbled up that had clearly been festering for a while. I should have done a better job addressing these and providing verbal support, but I did not.
Saturday the fourth of March, the 610th day, it became clear that he was going to end it. He had become more distant over the previous couple weeks, and as we made plans for dinner a sense of foreboding grew.
He told me that he didn't want to see me anymore, that he wanted to be friends but that it would take him some time to come to that place. I don't recall him saying why, but I think the greatest factor was that he had developed feelings that he had said at the outset he didn't want. There were probably other causes as well, but I know that I fell for him harder than I had expected to. And the past few months have shown me that I fell even harder than I had thought. I haven't heard from him at all in that time, which may be what he needs but it continues to hurt me.
I've asked myself if I should never have gone in for the cuddle in the first place, if I should have let us continue as friends. I've decided that I do not regret that choice. There are things I would try to do differently if I had it to do again, but some things aren't evident while they're happening. Together we had some wonderful times, and despite the pain I feel now, I think it was worth it. I hope that someday we will, in fact, be able to be friends again, because I do miss him.
In the meantime, thank you, Stephen, for the time we had together.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Life Update
Life owning a house is always an adventure.
The thaw and rain in early April taught us that the basement has a seepage problem - not a ton of water, but enough to ruin the carpet. We thought we had fixed the problem with the addition of window well covers, but we were dismayed at the start of May to discover the leak had returned with the heavy rains. Although we have not decided yet on a final course of action, I anticipate adding French drains to the northwestern corner of the house to avoid this problem in the future.
This, of course, as we are set to have Tony's boyfriend, Jason, move in.
On a brighter note, with Steve's ardent lead we have created a raised garden on the east side of the garage, about 4x20' in size. For our first season, I (somewhat haphazardly) planted: beets, spinach, marigolds, garlic, peas, carrots and onions. Fortunately, all of these crops are somewhat cold-resistant, because this past Saturday (Mother's day, of course), Colorado's weather decided to turn cold and snowy. I think, and hope, that this will be the last freeze however.
No changes to report on the work front; things generally continue to go well, and the development team is growing.
BrightonMusic had a good 2014-2015 season, with two CU students submitting compositions for our Homespun concert. I have also had a number of my own compositions or arrangements performed throughout the season, including "Brighton Fanfare", "Rise of the Machines", and "Hoedown for Strings." Lee Grothe also organized a surprise celebration for Kat, in recognition of her work in Brighton and elsewhere. (Astonishingly, she had no idea it was coming!)
Overall, I would tentatively say life is going well. We have some challenges to overcome regarding the house and the finances required to repair it, but I think we can overcome those.
The thaw and rain in early April taught us that the basement has a seepage problem - not a ton of water, but enough to ruin the carpet. We thought we had fixed the problem with the addition of window well covers, but we were dismayed at the start of May to discover the leak had returned with the heavy rains. Although we have not decided yet on a final course of action, I anticipate adding French drains to the northwestern corner of the house to avoid this problem in the future.
This, of course, as we are set to have Tony's boyfriend, Jason, move in.
On a brighter note, with Steve's ardent lead we have created a raised garden on the east side of the garage, about 4x20' in size. For our first season, I (somewhat haphazardly) planted: beets, spinach, marigolds, garlic, peas, carrots and onions. Fortunately, all of these crops are somewhat cold-resistant, because this past Saturday (Mother's day, of course), Colorado's weather decided to turn cold and snowy. I think, and hope, that this will be the last freeze however.
No changes to report on the work front; things generally continue to go well, and the development team is growing.
BrightonMusic had a good 2014-2015 season, with two CU students submitting compositions for our Homespun concert. I have also had a number of my own compositions or arrangements performed throughout the season, including "Brighton Fanfare", "Rise of the Machines", and "Hoedown for Strings." Lee Grothe also organized a surprise celebration for Kat, in recognition of her work in Brighton and elsewhere. (Astonishingly, she had no idea it was coming!)
Overall, I would tentatively say life is going well. We have some challenges to overcome regarding the house and the finances required to repair it, but I think we can overcome those.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
2014 in Review
2014 was a year of change for us. Some good, some bad.
The year started off rough when we ended our relationship with Pat. After 11 months, it was the second most significant romantic relationship of my life, and my first true triad. It hurt like nothing else I've felt before.
In the wake of the breakup, we decided that we needed to expand our sphere of friends, so we joined the weekly poker game at the Wrangler. Meanwhile, Steve continued to host monthly gayme night at Enchanted Grounds, and the event continues to grow. We also strengthened our friendship with Nick.
In February, we rescued a kitty named Ada that had been run over by a car, and yet seemingly escaped unscathed! She has become integrated into our lives quite well, although at times she attacks Rory for no reason.
April took us to Arizona for vacation and to visit Steve's sister Michelle and her family. Easter day was spent in an Easter Egg hunt with added distractions - nerf guns! Despite this, eventually Ben found all the eggs we had hidden (and re-hidden)!
May saw the conclusion of the orchestra's season, and a very successful end-of-season picnic.
June we went up to Breckenridge to stay at Steve's company's cabin there. My parents joined us for a few days, and we also got to see our fraternity brother Danny while he was in town with his family. We went on a mine tour, tasted some Breckenridge bourbon and got a couple nice hikes in. We also got to attend Denver Pride, which was enjoyable.
In July, we got to see the live Welcome to Night Vale show at the Paramount with Gabe and Nick, which was amazing. So many queers in the audience! We also started hosting a bi-weekly movie night for our friends.
September was a big new step in my life - the purchase of my own house. Starting in August, the whole process was done in about a month, and we moved in on September 28! Since then, it has mostly been a matter of settling in and hosting game nights, movie nights and other get-togethers, including our first Thanksgiving and Christmas at the new home!
Looking forward to 2015, we will continue to expand our circle of friends and strengthen the bonds we already have. I am hopeful for the new year and anticipate many good times ahead!
The year started off rough when we ended our relationship with Pat. After 11 months, it was the second most significant romantic relationship of my life, and my first true triad. It hurt like nothing else I've felt before.
In the wake of the breakup, we decided that we needed to expand our sphere of friends, so we joined the weekly poker game at the Wrangler. Meanwhile, Steve continued to host monthly gayme night at Enchanted Grounds, and the event continues to grow. We also strengthened our friendship with Nick.
In February, we rescued a kitty named Ada that had been run over by a car, and yet seemingly escaped unscathed! She has become integrated into our lives quite well, although at times she attacks Rory for no reason.
April took us to Arizona for vacation and to visit Steve's sister Michelle and her family. Easter day was spent in an Easter Egg hunt with added distractions - nerf guns! Despite this, eventually Ben found all the eggs we had hidden (and re-hidden)!
May saw the conclusion of the orchestra's season, and a very successful end-of-season picnic.
June we went up to Breckenridge to stay at Steve's company's cabin there. My parents joined us for a few days, and we also got to see our fraternity brother Danny while he was in town with his family. We went on a mine tour, tasted some Breckenridge bourbon and got a couple nice hikes in. We also got to attend Denver Pride, which was enjoyable.
In July, we got to see the live Welcome to Night Vale show at the Paramount with Gabe and Nick, which was amazing. So many queers in the audience! We also started hosting a bi-weekly movie night for our friends.
September was a big new step in my life - the purchase of my own house. Starting in August, the whole process was done in about a month, and we moved in on September 28! Since then, it has mostly been a matter of settling in and hosting game nights, movie nights and other get-togethers, including our first Thanksgiving and Christmas at the new home!
Looking forward to 2015, we will continue to expand our circle of friends and strengthen the bonds we already have. I am hopeful for the new year and anticipate many good times ahead!
Friday, October 10, 2014
Falling Down
Pentapedes are falling down
Falling down
Falling down
Pentapedes are falling down on your head now
Try to block with arms and hands
Arms and hands
Arms and hands
Try to block with arms and hands, still they bite you
Pentapedes are out for blood
Out for blood
Out for blood
Pentapedes are out for blood, we must stop them
Volunteer to crush the bugs
Crush the bugs
Crush the bugs
Volunteer to crush the bugs and save your country!
Anti-pentapede propaganda and recruitment video, ca. 2031. Source: the Sapient War national archives.
Falling down
Falling down
Pentapedes are falling down on your head now
Try to block with arms and hands
Arms and hands
Arms and hands
Try to block with arms and hands, still they bite you
Pentapedes are out for blood
Out for blood
Out for blood
Pentapedes are out for blood, we must stop them
Volunteer to crush the bugs
Crush the bugs
Crush the bugs
Volunteer to crush the bugs and save your country!
Anti-pentapede propaganda and recruitment video, ca. 2031. Source: the Sapient War national archives.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
GSP - 2013-02-05 to 2014-01-11
Recording this for my own remembrance.
It was amazing, in the beginning. We clicked right away, and got involved pretty quickly. He was smart, funny, energetic, and passionate. As time went on, we became more comfortable with each other, but cracks began to show - he was more outgoing, more interested in going out to concerts or other events. We tended to want to stay in. I believe that was what eventually did us in; complacency in our routine in conflict with his desire to do more and different things.
The end hurt when it came, but we have passed through it and allowed it to change us, hopefully for the better.
I will remember those 340 days fondly, but I hope that they were not the only ones we will get to spend with him. Thank you, Pat.
It was amazing, in the beginning. We clicked right away, and got involved pretty quickly. He was smart, funny, energetic, and passionate. As time went on, we became more comfortable with each other, but cracks began to show - he was more outgoing, more interested in going out to concerts or other events. We tended to want to stay in. I believe that was what eventually did us in; complacency in our routine in conflict with his desire to do more and different things.
The end hurt when it came, but we have passed through it and allowed it to change us, hopefully for the better.
I will remember those 340 days fondly, but I hope that they were not the only ones we will get to spend with him. Thank you, Pat.
Sunday, August 04, 2013
Embassytown
China Miéville
In Embassytown, Avice Benner Cho relates the events of her life, leading up to and including the radical transformation of Embassytown and its residents. Embassytown, the book's eponymous city where the majority of the plot takes place, is a pocket of human-breathable space on an environmentally hostile (to humans) planet, Arieka. The planet's native inhabitants, Ariekei, are incredible bio-engineers whose language requires two vocal streams to speak - and a single living mind behind it. In order to accommodate communication, the humans on the planet have created Ambassadors: cloned human twins, raised to serve as interpreters to the Ariekei and ostensible leaders of the little colony, linked through empathic implants and kept identical through careful daily physical syncing.
The first third of the book largely concerns itself with the past - Cho's childhood and her relationship with her linguist husband Scile, while the remainder recounts the events following the introduction of an outsider Ambassador, EzRa, who causes Arikei society to fall apart.
I really enjoyed Embassytown. There are lots of strange new (at least to me) science fictional concepts to enjoy, and I love language, so the sections dealing with Scile and the language of the Ariekei (simply called "Language") were especially interesting. The format was a little unusual; there was a lot of jumping back and forth during the first third of the book that made it difficult to follow at times, especially given the convention of specifying time spans in hours (such as kilohours and megahours). Ultimately, however, the order of prior events is less important than their facts and consequences.
One aspect of the book that I particularly liked was that it took a relatively tight view of events, a tighter view than the reader realizes at the time, and then provided a twist that expanded that view - twice. This shows a level of world-building beyond the simple aspects of the single story, but also the skill and care to not allow it to bog down the plot.
While there were a lot of new ideas to get a grasp on, I found it more comprehensible than Perdido Street Station, although I have the impression they are set in the same universe. I would recommend it for pretty much any science fiction reader, but particularly those with an interest in linguistics.
In Embassytown, Avice Benner Cho relates the events of her life, leading up to and including the radical transformation of Embassytown and its residents. Embassytown, the book's eponymous city where the majority of the plot takes place, is a pocket of human-breathable space on an environmentally hostile (to humans) planet, Arieka. The planet's native inhabitants, Ariekei, are incredible bio-engineers whose language requires two vocal streams to speak - and a single living mind behind it. In order to accommodate communication, the humans on the planet have created Ambassadors: cloned human twins, raised to serve as interpreters to the Ariekei and ostensible leaders of the little colony, linked through empathic implants and kept identical through careful daily physical syncing.
The first third of the book largely concerns itself with the past - Cho's childhood and her relationship with her linguist husband Scile, while the remainder recounts the events following the introduction of an outsider Ambassador, EzRa, who causes Arikei society to fall apart.
I really enjoyed Embassytown. There are lots of strange new (at least to me) science fictional concepts to enjoy, and I love language, so the sections dealing with Scile and the language of the Ariekei (simply called "Language") were especially interesting. The format was a little unusual; there was a lot of jumping back and forth during the first third of the book that made it difficult to follow at times, especially given the convention of specifying time spans in hours (such as kilohours and megahours). Ultimately, however, the order of prior events is less important than their facts and consequences.
One aspect of the book that I particularly liked was that it took a relatively tight view of events, a tighter view than the reader realizes at the time, and then provided a twist that expanded that view - twice. This shows a level of world-building beyond the simple aspects of the single story, but also the skill and care to not allow it to bog down the plot.
While there were a lot of new ideas to get a grasp on, I found it more comprehensible than Perdido Street Station, although I have the impression they are set in the same universe. I would recommend it for pretty much any science fiction reader, but particularly those with an interest in linguistics.
Enabling your compose key for Unity in Ubuntu 13.04
If you ever write in a language other than English that uses Roman letters, the compose key is a huge help to doing so. It's also useful for times when you need to write a name with an accent, for example, Miéville.
Unfortunately, the compose key doesn't seem to be active by default in Ubuntu 13.04 (at least, for me it wasn't). Fortunately, you can restore the functionality quite easily.
First, open up the system settings application, either by clicking the icon in the sidebar or typing "system settings" into the Unity search bar.
Then, select "Keyboard Layout"
In the "Keyboard Layout" window, click the "Options" button in the lower right of the window.
Find "Compose Key position" in the list, and click it to open it up. Select the desired key(s).
Unfortunately, the compose key doesn't seem to be active by default in Ubuntu 13.04 (at least, for me it wasn't). Fortunately, you can restore the functionality quite easily.
First, open up the system settings application, either by clicking the icon in the sidebar or typing "system settings" into the Unity search bar.
Then, select "Keyboard Layout"
In the "Keyboard Layout" window, click the "Options" button in the lower right of the window.
Find "Compose Key position" in the list, and click it to open it up. Select the desired key(s).
Now, you should be able to create accented characters easily:
Compose + ' + e => é
Compose + ' + o => ó
Compose + ` + e => è
Compose + ^ + o => ô
Compose + ~ + n => ñ
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Import your (DRM-free) epubs and PDFs into Google Books
I can't believe I just found out about this, but Google has added upload functionality for your books to Google Play.
To upload a book on the web, just go to Google Play -> Books -> My Books (or go to https://play.google.com/books/uploads )...
Then, on the right side of the screen, click the "Upload files" button.
An upload dialog will appear.
Select the files you want to upload, and they will be immediately uploaded and imported! (Google notes that large files may take some time to be processed.)
To upload a book on the web, just go to Google Play -> Books -> My Books (or go to https://play.google.com/books/uploads )...
An upload dialog will appear.
Select the files you want to upload, and they will be immediately uploaded and imported! (Google notes that large files may take some time to be processed.)
Sunday, January 13, 2013
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