R'thoria's Used Plot Elements: Dr. Who edition (Vol. 2, Ep. 004)

A fresh sea breeze blowing on your face; the sun shining pleasantly down; the gentle rock of a ship as it makes its way across the boundless ocean! What more could a young lass ask for? Pirates, that's what! Scurvy sea dogs, out for adventure and treasure, buckling all the swashes that are fit to buckle. A rousing tale of adventure, set on the high seas.

But, what if your budget doesn't allow for exotic locations? What if you're stuck filming inside all day due to the rain? (It gets so nasty sometimes that the actors just REFUSE to go outside!) Then it's time to turn to the old nautical standby, the Becalming! That's right, no sailing anywhere for your characters this week, the winds have died and the ocean is calm and still. Supplies are running low, tensions are high... and crew members start disappearing! Is it murder? Is mutiny cautiously lifting its fuzzy head above decks for a quick peekaroo?

No! The scourge of all seafaring folk awaits, turning to dust all who hear its song. It's a... siren! But not just any siren, a ghost siren! Doomed to spend eternity attacking passing ships with its plaintive lament, until it turns out it's actually an alien hologram! Bet you didn't see that twist!

The oldest and greatest threat to mankind has always been itself, or so it is believed. But what if there were a vast network of creatures that could control your very thoughts and actions, and erase every memory you ever had of them? Well, you need look no farther than--!

You'll want to look hard and deep at the universe when you next see it. Deeper, deeper, and just beyond that you'll find the best plot bubble ever, resting iridescently just tangent to the edge. There, in a little planetoid we like to call "the scrapyard at the end of the universe" (apologies directly to the late, great Douglas Adams from his good pal, Neil Gaiman), lurks a monster, ready to devour the oldest and wisest of your troupe!

Just kidding, I really meant "devour the empty corpse of the silliest contrivance dressed up as an opportunity for character development yet"! What a lark!

Well, before you go, don't forget to take a look at our impulse buy items! Slightly tarnished TARDIS control rooms, .50 nuyen apiece. Space-time eversions that seem complex but are actually quite mundane, .25 nuyen for two! And you'll want a six-pack of Rory Williams, just in case you have to knock a couple off to pull the plot out of the doldrums!

As always, when it's time for Action, Adventure, and the loudest sonic screwdrivers available, come on down to R'thoria's Used Plot Elements!

R'thoria's Used Plot Elements, Vol. 2, Ep. 003

Have you ever been to the far reaches of the galaxy? Deep under the oceans? Around the world by balloon in less than 3 months? Then you know what lies at the heart of all these journeys... that strange mineral, unobtai—no, macguffinite!

When you finally find that thing you were looking for, is it... disappointing? Not everything you thought it would be? Did it make the entire search for it a distraction? Then you, my friend, have a big chunk of redherrigonium!

Potent, powerful substances in their own right, but when smelted together, they become... plotinum! Renowned throughout the universe for its ability to advance a story or just for its beautiful lustre, plotinum is very valuable indeed.

And, here at R'thoria's Used Plot Element Emporium and Second Hand Smoke Store, we have the grandest collection of precious and plot-driving items you've ever seen, and every single one is made from 100% pure plotinum (give or take)!

Tell me, when was the last time your living room felt really complete? Or, rather, could any room really be complete without this jewel-encrusted falcon? Look how its delicate feathers are slightly dented, think of the history! Think of how much you'd be willing to pay! No, higher than that! All right, I'll take it, but I'm cutting off my own arm!

Our oldest piece is a beautiful, hand-crafted ring, no doubt it is one-of-a-kind! Just putting it on my finger gives me a feeling of immense satisfaction and power... On second thought, I think I'll keep the precious thing for myself...

Look up into the night sky. Or, alternatively, at the ceiling, which should currently be displaying the night sky. How beautiful it is! See the slow turn of the galaxy, its majestic spiral arms, the reds and blues and yellows of the stars, twinkling in the inky void. Wouldn't you like to own it? No, I don't mean rule over it, and I certainly don't mean a replica! No, the whole galaxy, nebulae and all, in a convenient pendant! Just, uh, don't let any men in dark suits and sunglasses see it; trust me, it's for the best.

From the cracks of doom or the dunes of Arrakis; whether here on Earth or in other planes of existence entirely; ONLY the professionals at RUPE have the skills, style and vast network of "suppliers" to bring you ACTION, ADVENTURE and miscellaneous crap at wholesale prices! Take something home TODAY!

R'thoria's Used Plot Elements: Disney Edition (Vol. 2, Ep. 002)

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the special Disney edition of RUPE*! Citing financial difficulties, Disney recently announced a number of layoffs and general cutbacks, and has begun to sell off their back stock of plot elements to independent retailers, such as yours very truly, and which are now available directly to YOU at discount prices!

[* Definitely NOT G-Rated whenever we can avoid it!]

So, without further ado, let me introduce the best of the stock, everyone's favorite story: Sleeping Baby! Enjoy this touching, four-hour, continuous-shot adventure that critics have called the most nap-tacular event of the century!

Next, we have the cinematic masterpiece based on an ancient French fairy tale that dazzled audiences when it was first released. Integrating computer-generated graphics with Disney's classic hand-drawn style, Beauty and the Beet tells the touching story of a young woman who discovers that external appearances can be deceiving, and that a person's roots are more important.

Lilo and Stick was the last of the hand-animated films to come from Disney Studios. Set in the beautiful Hawaiian Islands and rendered in luscious watercolors, this refreshing tale shows how a young girl, and her best friend, can make a family in the face of difficulty.

Choose from these and many others, including The Cryin' King, The Emperor's New Boob and that fascinating medical documentary, The Sore and The Stone!

So remember: for ACTION, ADVENTURE, luscious watercolors and gratuitous boob jokes, visit us at RUPE, where our prices can't be matched!

R'thoria's Used Plot Elements, Vol. 2, Ep. 001

Welcome back, everyone! I know that you all missed me terribly, but I assure you that that court-ordered sabbatical to the mental hospital has done wonders for my skin, and I'm ready to bring you some new and wonderful Used Plot Elements!

In the time that I've been gone, we've seen quite a few new plots come and go in the mainstream, and we here at RUPE have got some amazing deals for you!

But first off, an oldie but goodie, it's the "boy abandoned by his mother lives with his uncle until the evil Authority (be it empire, marauding invaders or otherwise) kills his uncle and so he must go off adventuring to defeat the evil Authority using strange powers he never knew he had before" plot. Made most famous in modern times by George Lucas' Star Wars Trilogy (ep. 4-6), this classic has been around for as long as there have been Authorities, evil, and uncles (since 1284)! With just one copy left in stock, I'm sure that the low low price of 65536 nuyen will ensure that this one goes to a worthy customer.

Next up on the block, we have something unusual for us here. Normally, we don't carry very many tangible goods—apart from our line of Wookiee products. Don't forget to get our new "Wookiee See Wookiee Doo" card game!—but in a recent shipment, nestled between the classic "Uncle Stilt's Pin" and "The Ever-So-Effeminate-but-Certainly-Not-Gay-(Unless-You're-Cute) Hairstylist of Seville" plots, was the complete set for Helm's Deep, from the epic movie trilogy, The Lord of the Rings! Normally we would, of course, return it immediately to the producers, but, well, we didn't want to pay the shipping.

So! For a mere 394.26 nuyen (plus tax) this incredible set can be yours! We will also giftwrap your purchase for free!

Finally today, we decided to throw a copy of Dragonheart into the blender with McCaffrey's Dragonriders of Pern, hoping for a fiber-intense smoothie, but instead we got a new plot! I call it the, "Dragons are cool, let's tell a story about them, oh but we need people too so that the audience can relate", sifted through some cheesecloth to get rid of any semblance of dialog, plot, or politics, maybe a fifteen-year-old wrote it plot. We're letting this one go cheap, folks! All I'm asking is a strawberry smoothie, or maybe a banana daiquiri.

Why, hello, Mr. Fangmeier! Yes, sir, I'll wrap these up for you immediately! I hope everything goes well with you for that Eragon movie you're making... You're sure it's not a misspelling for 'dragon'? Okay, then! See you again soon!

Well, folks, just remember, at RUPE, we're proud to be the primary supplier for Hollywood, so, whether you want ACTION, ADVENTURE, or simply the best selection of subatomic particles around, come on down and let our professional harass your cares away!