Saturday, December 16, 2006

R'thoria's Used Plot Elements, Vol. 2, Ep. 001

Welcome back, everyone! I know that you all missed me terribly, but I assure you that that court-ordered sabbatical to the mental hospital has done wonders for my skin, and I'm ready to bring you some new and wonderful Used Plot Elements!

In the time that I've been gone, we've seen quite a few new plots come and go in the mainstream, and we here at RUPE have got some amazing deals for you!

But first off, an oldie but goodie, it's the "boy abandoned by his mother lives with his uncle until the evil Authority (be it empire, marauding invaders or otherwise) kills his uncle and so he must go off adventuring to defeat the evil Authority using strange powers he never knew he had before" plot. Made most famous in modern times by George Lucas' Star Wars Trilogy (ep. 4-6), this classic has been around for as long as there have been Authorities, evil, and uncles (since 1284)! With just one copy left in stock, I'm sure that the low low price of 65536 nuyen will ensure that this one goes to a worthy customer.

Next up on the block, we have something unusual for us here. Normally, we don't carry very many tangible goods—apart from our line of Wookiee products. Don't forget to get our new "Wookiee See Wookiee Doo" card game!—but in a recent shipment, nestled between the classic "Uncle Stilt's Pin" and "The Ever-So-Effeminate-but-Certainly-Not-Gay-(Unless-You're-Cute) Hairstylist of Seville" plots, was the complete set for Helm's Deep, from the epic movie trilogy, The Lord of the Rings! Normally we would, of course, return it immediately to the producers, but, well, we didn't want to pay the shipping.

So! For a mere 394.26 nuyen (plus tax) this incredible set can be yours! We will also giftwrap your purchase for free!

Finally today, we decided to throw a copy of Dragonheart into the blender with McCaffrey's Dragonriders of Pern, hoping for a fiber-intense smoothie, but instead we got a new plot! I call it the, "Dragons are cool, let's tell a story about them, oh but we need people too so that the audience can relate", sifted through some cheesecloth to get rid of any semblance of dialog, plot, or politics, maybe a fifteen-year-old wrote it plot. We're letting this one go cheap, folks! All I'm asking is a strawberry smoothie, or maybe a banana daiquiri.

Why, hello, Mr. Fangmeier! Yes, sir, I'll wrap these up for you immediately! I hope everything goes well with you for that Eragon movie you're making... You're sure it's not a misspelling for 'dragon'? Okay, then! See you again soon!

Well, folks, just remember, at RUPE, we're proud to be the primary supplier for Hollywood, so, whether you want ACTION, ADVENTURE, or simply the best selection of subatomic particles around, come on down and let our professional harass your cares away!
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