Saturday, October 09, 2004

Will somebody please fucking TOUCH ME?!?

Not much to say with this one. Frustrated and lonely. Last night, I thought that I had a date in a week. Thought I might be headed towards something. Tonight, no. He is apparently already seeing someone. Fuck. Nice of him to mention this before. Not just seeing someone, but it's a long-distance relationship. No one I know well enough to consider seriously as a boyfriend is even remotely interested in me. No one else in their right mind would consider dating me before they got to know me, at which point they would not be interested anymore.

One person. One, and he's in Cali. One that I've never met, and, though I may like to pretend differently, don't really know all that well.

I don't understand it. The conclusion that I reach is that something must be wrong with me. (DON"T FUCKING GIVE ME YOUR PITY! I don't want it. I don't know what I want for certain but I don't want that) But figuring out what is wrong is... difficult. I don't understand it. I could ask people but even if they gave me something useful, I don't think it'd make a difference. I don't think that I can change it, or that I'd even want to.

I had hoped that this would be a more stream-of-consciousness post, but I find that I'm censoring myself, so I'm done for now.
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