(Don't attack Steve, please. This was idle talk at lunch)
Steve brought up an interesting idea today: that homosexuals were less inclined to make and maintain long-term friendships than heterosexuals because of the differences in how men and women view the world. He posited that heterosexual couples find it harder to interact with one another because of these differences, and so having outside friends is necessary for each, in order to have someone (or ones) to interact with that has a similar mindset. Homosexual couples, on the other hand, are more likely to have a similar mindset, and therefore find outside interaction less necessary (additionally, he pointed out the difficulty in maintaining a friendship with someone who is either a potential mate or competition - or both), and this may be part of the difficulty in maintaining a queer community.
He points out, of course, that these differences are not necessarily due to genetic or inborn differences, but rather differences in how men and women are raised. As a counter-example, he offered my parents, who tend to have few outside friends.
I'm not sure how accurate this is. Certainly, it's fairly accurate for me and for him, but we're both introverted anyway; I have few friends that I maintain regular contact with, and only a couple are women. And I don't have, in general, any real desire to change this.
I want to discuss this, but I'm not sure where to begin. Thoughts, anyone?
"The true criterion of the practical, therefore, is not whether the latter can keep intact the wrong or foolish; rather is it whether the scheme has vitality enough to leave the stagnant waters of the old, and build, as well as sustain, new life." -- Emma Goldman
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
The City Born Great - How Long 'Til Black Future Month?
The second story in N. K. Jemisin's anthology How Long 'Til Black Future Month? , "The City Born Great," is an exciting ta...
-
Here are a couple of poems about Pentapedes, based on the form of Cethegrande, a 13th century English poem. The first few lines follow: Cet...
-
The second story in N. K. Jemisin's anthology How Long 'Til Black Future Month? , "The City Born Great," is an exciting ta...
1 comment:
I think from your guys' perspective it's easy to believe this idea, but it is more a result of you guys not being social rather than because you're two guys with "similar mindsets" and therefore don't need outside relationships.
Besides you guys, all of my friends, both gay and straight, enjoy all of their friendships whether short-term or long-term. And I know plenty of gay people that just because they're in a relationship doesn't mean they need to not maintain their friendships.
I mean look at lot of gay men in our circle of friends. How many have a female best friend(s) that they've known for a long time, yet that doesn't stop when they start dating a guy.
The idea that hetersexual couples have a hard time interacting is baseless. Yes men and women don't always relate perfectly, but that doesn't mean they have a hard time interacting and therefore need friends. We're social beings and it's not typical to have just one close relationship, so besides having a partner we have friends.
I think there's also the issue that we're still young and the friendships we build in high school aren't long-term friendships. I don't think most people start making "long-term" deep friendships until later in college and after.
I think bottom-line is that you guys are very comfortable not having close friends outside of your relationship. It seems you guys just don't value friendships the way that other people do and so you guys don't feel the need to maintain them. And I have to say from my experience, it can be difficult to have a close friendship with you guys.
Post a Comment